Kelly Thomas: Rest In Peace © Megan Snider

Our police departments pride themselves because they are put in the line of danger and persevere. So, would the six police officers of Fullerton be protecting society from a Schizophrenic man off his medicine by beating him cruelly and brutally to death in a six to one match up?

This is Kelly Thomas before the police "intervention"...

 
Now, this is Kelly Thomas in the ICU where later his life support would be taken away...

Reports say that Thomas was calling out for his father during the brutal beating. His father could not recognize him when he saw him in the ICU to be present for his death.

So, is this how the "nation's finest" treat the mentally ill and homeless who are already tormented by a bewildered mind?

This is disgusting and I had to add it to my blog.

Here are the names of the men who murdered Kelly Thomas:

Officer Jay Cicinelli
Officer Kenton Hamptom
Officer Manny Ramos
Officer Joe Wolfe
Officer James Blatney

Donate and Information:

Kelly Thomas Memorial Fund

PO Box 1147

Cypress, Ca 90630

© Megan Snider

The Long Road Home Part II © Megan Snider

 "Panic tricks you, but it's just a trick"

--Dr. David Carbonell

This will be a short blog. I just wanted to update a few self-help methods I've been researching to bring to those of you who suffer from depersonalization, derealization and Panic Disorder.

Panic Attacks Workbook: A guided Program for Beating the Panic Trick by Dr. David Carbonell has been on my bed for the past few weeks. That’s my way of saying I’ve been reading it. So I sleep with books—big deal. :P In Dr. Carbonell’s book and website (www.anxietycoach.com) he uses the AWARE method to help people calm down from panic attacks. 

It is a little similar to the therapy outlined in my previous self-help blog in that it uses acceptance as one of the major forces to help soothe the mind. He uses the an acronym AWARE to stand for steps in a process he had adapted from another piece of literature. He also stressing the importance of correct breathing and thinking. 

I am unsure if I can repost the AWARE steps on my blog, however I am sure you can do some digging around on his site. I have already and there is a wealth of information on there. No helpful hints on how to deal with Depersonalization or Derealization unfortunately, but what can one do?

Check Dr. David Carbonell out at www.anxietycoach.com and see if he can help you if you suffer from panic attacks with or without Agoraphobia.

© Megan Snider

How to Deal With a Schizophrenic | eHow.com

How to Deal With a Schizophrenic | eHow.com

Please check out my article!

Thank you!

How the Brain Works When It Is Manic or Depressive | eHow.com

How the Brain Works When It Is Manic or Depressive | eHow.com

Please check out my work!

Thanks!

How to Wean Off of Aripiprazole | eHow.com

How to Wean Off of Aripiprazole | eHow.com

Please check out my work!

Thanks!

The Long Road Home © Megan Snider

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves-- regret for the past and fear of the future"

--Fulton Oursler

This is going to be a long-winded blog, but I want to stress that it may help some of the people dealing with Panic Disorder, derealization and depersonalization. I thought about dividing it up into different posts, but I thought that this would be confusing and some of the posts may be hard to locate. So I’m going to do this under the style as one cohesive blog cut into sections to walk you through some therapy processes. Do not worry if this therapy does not apply to you; in the coming weeks I will be adding more self-help techniques and strategies. Keep heart!

For most of the information In this post, I am indebted to Fugen Neziroglu, Katharine Donnelly and Daphne Simeon for their brilliant collaboration upon the book Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder: A Mindfulness & Acceptance Guide to Conquering Feelings of Numbness & Unreality. The therapy techniques highlighted in this book will briefly be discussed, boiled down and simplified so you can use them in your own area of crisis.

Concept One: Rumination and Obsession Does No Good, Use Mindfulness Instead

Obsessing and ruminating over your condition does no good. Try to stop your intrusive thoughts and live in the moment. This concept of living in the moment and shifting your focus to be aware of only one thing instead of flooding your senses is called “Mindfulness” Mindfulness is focusing on the present and, if in the midst of a panic attack or derealization or depersonalization, it is the act of focusing on one thing such as your breathing for example.

Concept Two: Acceptance and Mindfulness

This is still a hard one for many people to struggle with and that’s ok. It asks us to accept misery and discomfort and pain as part of the human condition. You cannot alter your particular psychiatric affliction, but you can accept it. Acceptance of the feelings of fear, numbness, unreality and pain are better than fighting them. Use mindfulness to help you stay in the present moment. Don’t jump ahead and make unfounded conclusions. Never make absolute statements like, “I will never get better” or “I will feel this way forever.” Accept the feelings for what they are.

Concept Three: Observation

Instead of letting your emotions rule you and keep you in a pattern of avoidance and fear, it is best to only observe your emotions. It is important to realize that everything you think is NOT true. You may think, “I’m going to have a panic attack while driving tomorrow” but that doesn’t make it true. While it is a sad fact of life that many people with psychiatric conditions have negative and unrelenting thoughts, this DOES NOT make them true. Simply observe your thoughts passively and let them slip through your mind as a stream edges through the landscape. Don’t stop to ponder one bothersome thought—simply observe it and let it go.

Concept Four: Commitment

We should not let our negative emotions guide us. We should let our values guide us and accept that in order to attain our values, we must be willing to experience some pain and discomfort in life with our psychiatric illnesses. In fact, pain is simply a byproduct of a rich and eventful life. Everytime you go after something you want, you risk pain. It is no different with psychiatric illnesses. There is much pain involved in accepting and experiencing them and to engage in life again, but the alternative is to stagnate and end up alone. Struggle against your fears using acceptance, willingness to face discomfort and fear and use mindfulness to stay in the moment.

Hopefully this has given you some food for thought for today. I hope I have done a good job of presenting Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to you. If you still have confusion or want to do further resource, simply search for “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy”. There is an excellent Wikipedia article about it. That’s enough thought digestion for today!

© Megan Snider

Derealization and Depersonalization © Megan Snider

"One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from the unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition."

--Alvin Toffler

I have a mastermind plot for this blog in the next coming weeks and we will see how I manage to expound upon it due to my reading load and my other writing responsibilities online. To get to this master goal of offering more self-help articles for people who are suffering and may not have access to any other resource except the internet, I am going to have to do some back-tracking.

The catalyst for this site is Panic Disorder with Derealization and Depersonalization commonly abbreviated as DR and DP. Now, from what I’ve read derealization is not a stand-alone order, but there is a disorder called Depersonalization Disorder which does encompass derealization. Together they are holy horrors and eat up everything of value in your life and mind. 

Let’s start with basics. I am sure I have stated this before on the site, but let me give you the brief definitions of these disorders before we move any further along. Derealization is the sensation that the environment or your world is not real while depersonalization is the sensation that you are not real. They are dissociative symptoms by themselves but can accompany other mental illness such as Panic Disorder, Affective Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder or Dissociative Identity Disorder. 

Not much is known about these two phenomena because the brain so eludes our science and they seem to be such mystical states of being. They have varied effects on people; some people go numb to the bone with them and some are terrified out of their skin with them. They frequently cohabitate and occur together because they are related disorders. I have heard them described as symptoms of psychosis and dissociation so I guess the jury is still out on that one. 

In my mind dissociation makes the most sense for these unnerving altered states of consciousness because they literally remove the association from the self and from the world.

It is very important that you keep them separate in your mind, however, because they are two different sensations. It is important to be able to differentiate between the two when describing them if you have a problem with them. Depending on your description, psychiatric treatment may take varied courses of action.

We definitely need to do more to look into these disturbing conditions. It is hard to function under the stress of these sensations and it is even harder to relate them to other people despite the fact they are a common stress and illicit drug response— meaning that other people do have these sensations— they are simply afraid to admit to them. When they become chronic states of being and begin to interfere with the normal obligations of life is when you start to feel the crunch applied to the marrow.

I’m preparing a blog on self-help techniques if you suffer from derealization or depersonalization in addition to the ones I have already completed. Hopefully these blogs will delve deeper into self-help and really electrically jolt the heart of the matter so we can get to some soothing and healing for this frightening condition. Have heart and have hope if you chronically feel “not there”, “unreal” or “lost in a fog.” 


I recall reading that 50% of people with severe Panic Disorder have “derealization” or “depersonalization“.I’m not afraid when I’m so depressed I can’t move. I’m not upset when I want to write, but I’m too depressed to pick up a pen. I’m not upset when I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. I’m not upset when I feel the familiar moan of depression radiate through my body when I no longer want to wake up in the morning. I’m afraid when I have a panic attack and I “don’t feel real.”

Just pinch yourself to tell it’s not a dream...

I hear this phrase all too often from psychiatrists themselves who are simply disinterested in their patients and interested in money. This small anecdote does any of us with "DP" or "DR" any good whatsoever. We need concrete plans on how to best this demon.

This is why I will be sharing some help help techniques on my blog.

The coming blogs are intended to help you weather the storm and give you much needed shelter.

© Megan Snider

The Long Term Mentally Ill and Suicide © Megan Snider

If you are considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

According to “Stop a Suicide”, 90% of people who commit suicide have suffered from a psychiatric illness in their lives. Accordingly, it is not hard to trace the snaking path of suicide back to the vein of mental illness and the agony present in the disorder. This takes us back to my earlier post where I expounded on my idea that mental illness is borne out of fear. Fear, desperation and agony are all very good bedfellows. 

Waiting for the end of a psychiatric disorder is bleak. Round after round of medication can be tried and re-tried, new uses can be applied to old pills but still we come back to the same darn shame. We just have a low rehabilitation rate of our mentally ill. If one more person suggests that mental illness is wished into being or that the mentally ill should simply just “play the hand they were dealt” then that is one person too many. Often times playing the hand your dealt may involve a tooth split by the intrusion of a revolver.

The “long term mentally ill” is a term coined to refer to those who do not get well. Fancy papers are drawn up concerning as to what fancy doctors and their fancy facilities should do with them but little concept is actually given to their daily lives, their daily struggles and their adjusted outlooks. Psychiatrists are simply perplexed by the long term mentally ill and it is no wonder they turn to suicide as an effective means of ending the slow erosive torture of mental illness.

By no means however am I advocating suicide. I believe there is an afterlife and suicide will not win you your place of choice in it. That’s what has stayed many hands across the world from stumbling their way across the handle of a dagger. However, suicide is still a voluptuous temptation to those who are counted among the long term mentally ill. When treatment reaches the frayed end of its own ropes so too does humanity. The burden to toil under too great a toll begins to take effect and take flight into fanciful fantasies fit of only a madman.

We must take all threats of suicide seriously. If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 and you will be redirected to a regional help hotline. 

Long term mental illness is not the best of terms, but it certainly is not the worst. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline will provide you with someone to talk to, someone to hear you and someone who will listen to you. That is perhaps its best commodity. No one will talk down to you any longer. 

Remember, where there is life there is still a little hope.

© Megan Snider

For more resources and hotline numbers, please visit my "Resources" page to this blog.

Limu.com Courses

"You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind."
--Dale Carnegie

I will be hosting a class on Limu.com on how to overcome Panic Disorder if anyone is interested. It is not ready yet because I have a lot of research to put into it and I don't want to skimp over any details. As a long time sufferer of Panic Disorder, derealization, and depersonalization, I think I have some wisdom to offer on this condition. I have tried many medications and self help methods and I would like to invite you to join in on my teaching experience. There is a fee and the course is set up in hour increments, but I am pouring all my efforts into teaching positive coping skills. I struggle with Agoraphobia and driving as well as simple tasks, but find that some things help me get through the fear.

I will also be hosting classes on German and other areas of interest if anyone is needing help in these areas. I have served as a tutor for many classes and find that teaching is something I am passionate about and enjoy.

If you also love teaching, please stop by Limu.com and begin to set up a course. The sky is the limit!

And, as always, stop by my blog to find more musings over mental health disorders and treatments. It will always be free and open to show support and understanding to those who suffer with ANY mental health afflictions. I encourage regular posting, private e-mails to me, and talking between other users as a means of information and healing. I want this to be an informative and positive place where sufferers can come to congregate.

Panic on the Motorway © Megan Snider

"I start sweating and shaking and having panic attacks if I am not at home."

--Daniel Johns

Having panic attacks while driving along with depersonalization and derealization (that is feeling detached from one ’s self and feeling detached from one’s reality) is not uncommon. It is disturbing and causes many drivers to slow in their lanes, pull over for breathing room and face unrelenting attacks while feeling closed in and panicked on the roadway. There are a few things drivers can do to help minimize the panic. It may be overwhelming and cause you to pull over and out of your lane. That is okay. Despite your feelings of unreality, try to minimize the risk of having an accident. If you need to pull over, go ahead and do so and catch your breath. There are a few things you can do to help yourself:

 

1.   Take benzodiazipines (if prescribed to you) half an hour to an hour before driving. I have noticed taking them an hour before driving gives them sufficient time to settle your nerves and to get into the bloodstream.

2.   Pull over and get some breathing room. Take the trip in small increments.

      

3.   Focus your eyes on small spaces if you are able to do so. Focus on the speedometer instead of the wide open road which may make you more anxious. Carry some inspirational quotes with you and post them in your car and look at them. Be careful to avoid an accident while doing this.

4.   Listen to a song that really grabs your attention and sing loudly. Engage yourself while driving. Feel the experience.

5.   Recite religious texts to give you a sense of inner calm and control.

   

6.   Notice road signs, colors, patterns and attractions on the road. Immerse yourself in the billboards and distractions. Notice license plates and car models. Be careful to regulate your driving while doing so.

7  . Listen to talk radio. The inflammatory issues can get your mind working and thinking and distract you away from your panic attack. Just hearing another person’s voice may be soothing for you.

8. 
      Make a CD of breathing exercises and practice them while driving. Do not try meditation as this can be dangerous, but sometimes taking deeper breaths and focusing in on your breathing can help minimalize the feelings of a full-blown attack.

9.   Travel with someone if you can. Conversation and just the feeling of having someone else in the car with you may help you stay grounded.

10. Stick to familiar roads and routes in which you feel comfortable.

11. Remind yourself that you are “here” and you are on your way to “here”. Remind yourself of where you are going, who you are, what the date is, what the time is and where you are. Keep yourself in the present and keep yourself thinking logically.

12. Decrease your speed and pull into the slow lane if you need to. Remind yourself you have all the time you need to get where you’re going and there is no need to rush. Safety should come first.

13.
      Sing out loud or pray loudly and immerse yourself in a spiritual connection while driving. Be sure to keep your eyes open as you do so and let your faith help you float through the panic and unreal feelings.

14. Take a small memento with you from home that can fit in your hand. Look at it from time to time and remind yourself where it came from, what it is, and what it means to you. This can help ground you.

15. Take a small scented item with you and take whiffs of it as you drive. Be sure not to make yourself dizzy or sick while doing this. The smell may help ground you. It may even be an unpleasant smell if you want it to be.

16. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you have a negative or fearful thought. Hopefully the pain will bring you back to reality.

17. Run the air conditioner or the heater. Be sure not to make yourself sleepy while doing this. The idea is to get the blood flowing in your body and to wake it up a little.

18. Stay away from caffeine or sugar before or during your trip. These substances could aggravate your symptoms.

19.
Roll down the window and let some fresh air in. Enjoy the breeze and let the air revitalize you.

20. Focus on small tracts of land instead of wide open spaces if you can do so safely. Look at the scenery around you and become immersed in it.

21. Make up little stories about the houses and cars you see around you if you can do so without further frightening yourself.

22. Try to think of funny situations or jokes you have seen or heard recently.

23. Imagine a safe or fun activity you would like to engage in that makes you feel calm if you can do so while concentrating on driving.

24. Bring an ice cube with you and rub it across your skin to get a response from your body to remind you that you are here and in the present.

25. Try to do math problems or logic problems in your head to distract yourself from the feelings of unreality.

26. Engage in simple car games such as “I Spy” or other games to take your mind off the panicky feelings.

If anyone can think of any other tips or have tips to share that have worked, I urge them to share them in the comments section. Derealization, Depersonalization and panic attacks are a prominent and dangerous problem while driving. It is terrifying and makes driving unpleasant and traumatizing. It is important that people with Panic Disorder find effective ways to continue driving, traveling, and participating in social activities so they do not become Agoraphobic and housebound. This must be avoided at all costs!

© Megan Snider

Where Mental Illness Comes From © Megan Snider

"(...)And if you hate me,
Then hate me so good that you can let me out
Let me out, let me out
'Cause it's Hell when you're around."
--Damien Rice, "Rootless Trees" (Click to listen)

Neurologists, psychiatrists, and doctors all fail us. Sometimes they may be able to tell us what is wrong when we tell them where it hurts, but when we point to the brain they are mystified.

I have a firm opinion on the origin of mental illness which I will share with you. I believe that all mental illness is borne of fear, helplessness, and hopelessness. I once recall explaining to someone that if a Schizophrenic runs out into the street screaming, he is not doing so out of a demented urge to hurt another human being—he is doing so out of fear and desperation.

The actions of the mentally ill are scrutinized and scrutinized over and over and constantly labeled incorrectly without any care for the sufferer or the stigma placed on him for his condition.

Nothing is scarier than watching, knowing, and waiting as your whole world shrinks around you, as relationships are ruined, as your mind is attacked day after day for and worried raw for hours on end. Nothing is worse than losing your faith in doctors, science, and medications when they are the only things that can supposedly help you. After a while of seeing all your options fail, you are only full of wailing and wasted dreams. The gleam in your eye slowly dulls and you become a prisoner, wrapped in chains of fear and tethered to walls of agony.

The origin of all mental illness is fear—not perversion, not deviance, and not the ravings of a warped mind. It is unbearable to be so crushingly gripped by terror all the time. Your heart pounds too fast, your mind races, all concentration is gone, and all semblance of a normal life leaves you. Mental illness is an all too intimate acquaintance with terror. The tangles roots of which slowly climb the length of you until you are completely engulfed by them. You are immobilized, agonized, torn apart, labeled by the psychiatric and medical society, and made to feel as if you are an exhibit in a modern day freak show.

The sensationalist media confuses us about mental illness, until we routinely believe that everyone with a mental illness is a violent threat, secretly wanting to kill us. This could be no further from the truth. Words like “psychosis” become misunderstood and overused buzz words. How many people actually know that psychotic people are not normally dangerous—and if they are it is usually first self-inflicted?

All people with mental illness want out. They want out of the confines of their brains which torture and terrifies them. It haunts them and hunts them down. Who wants a life like that? I dare anyone to openly admit they would like to be shut up inside the confines between the space of their ears for an eternity.

I’ve seen bumper stickers that proclaim, “I do not suffer from mental illness; I enjoy every second of it.” This statement was obviously written by someone without mental illness and carries the same stigma and degradation that the mentally ill are used to. They are made fun of and labeled because they are misunderstood.

Making fun of mental illness is right on par with making fun of cancer. Both are uncontrollable and eat you alive. Mentally ill people have to juggle a complex and scary relationship with their own psyches when all they really want is to be let out of their own version of a private Hell with room for only one.

© Megan Snider

Bipolar Disorder and Impulse Control © Megan Snider

“Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life.”

--Carrie Fisher

This is my second edition of this blog as the first one mysteriously dissappeared on my laptop. Be gentle with it.

People are under the misconception that people with Bipolar Disorder move through life exhibiting “Happy Exhibit A” and “Sad Exhibit B” when in reality this could be no further from the truth. Bipolar Disorder is a complex illness and at its root, as that of any mental illness, is a complex host of twisting and turning emotions that are tangled into a web of pain and agony that stretches across the person’s whole persona. They do not roll out of bed one day cuckoo happy and go to bed the same night sobbing uncontrollably.

A lot of people also make the mistake that mania is a happy time for Bipolar people. However, mania is not synonymous with “happy”. Mania can be a very threatening and scary time in a Bipolar person’s life where they are unable to connect events in any meaningful order and instead the world seems to have been turned on its head. Interpersonal violence and assaults can occur during this time that would normally never happen. Bipolar people emerge from their manias shocked and deeply hurt by what they have suffered through.

Bipolar people are not beings with predetermined emotions that feel happy one day and sad the next. They are often highly sensitive, creative individuals with deep longings and yearnings to be fulfilled. During mania they cannot understand the world around them, they have a classical lack of insight that is seen with mental illness, and may internalize perceived gestures as slights and offenses when in some cases there was absolutely no catalyst for the action.

I use this analogy a lot when dealing with mental illness. Going through a cycle of mental illness is like losing your eyesight. I remember vividly getting my first pair of glasses and putting them on. Suddenly I could see! But, before that I had had no knowledge that I had been unable to see and had been pressing my nose up to the T.V. to see my favorite shows. One day I did not wake up with perfect vision and the next wake up with damaged eyesight. It is a gradual slipping process. You begin to lose your footing somewhere along the way and signs are harder to make out. After a while everything is fuzzy and all you know is that things are making much less sense.

Fear, desperation, hurt, agony and confusion all build up within the Bipolar psyche. Over time these feelings metastasize and choke out the good aspects of a Bipolar person’s life. Conversations may become one sided; empathies are divided down the middle. Bipolar people may only see the world as rallying against them and everything they stand for. Paranoia and fear grip them as hard as icy death. Well-behaved gentlemen and ladies become caricatures of their former selves and may become isolated and overwhelmed with emotional stimuli.

Risperdal (Risperidone) is a medication particularly effective for the anger-fueled manic. It is used to treat Schizophrenia, Bipolar mania and aggression issues in children of the ages of 12. It can help suppress the paranoia, deep hurting wounds and anger that arise out of full blown manias.

I encourage you if you know a Bipolar person or a mentally ill person to talk to him or her. Society has let them down, medication has let them down, and doctors set up to help them have let them down. They have few outlets, resources and methods of release. Sometimes talking, even though the conversation may be skewed, would be enough to help one mentally ill person shoulder his or her burden alone. Let them know you care. Bipolar Disorder, like every other mental illness, has no cure. There are attempts to control or suppress it but the effectiveness of these methods hinge solely on the individual, the therapy and the medications prescribed. Don’t mislabel or misunderstand mental illness. Sufferers already undergo enough stigmatization as it is.

© Megan Snider

Resources:


http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Overcoming_Bipolar_Disorder_Anger.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000944

Mental Illness and Demonology © Megan Snider

"The tendency to turn human judgements into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world."

--Georgia Harkness

To begin with, let me fully state that I do have religion and believe in my own personal God. However, I do disagree with the church's inability to recognize and ease mental illness. The Bible commands us to care for widows, tells us lepers were healed and the blind made to see, but little is broached on the subject of mental illness. We see demon possession in the Bible and many pastors and church goers wrongly turn a case of mental illness into a case of demonic possession.

Let me emphatically say that mental illness is both a serious physical and mental condition. It should be given the same consideration, care and empathy that cancer, moral wounds and traumatic injuries are given. It is just as grievous to live with a mental handicap as it is to live with a physical handicap.

There are a lot of people that say to me that if I have enough faith, I will be delivered. The problem then becomes my heart and not my brain. Would someone be as so cold as to suggest to a cancer patient that they are withering away and dying because they simply do not have enough faith? I believe in miracles and divine intervention, of course, but I also believe in science and methodical thought. If you were ill with a disease which there was a medication for would you go to the pharmacy and retrieve the medicine or would you pray away your fever? I think a combination of both would be sufficient.

I do not believe people with mental illnesses are inhabited by the devil no more than I believe someone with any other disease is inhabited by him. This is a tragic mistake to make that further stigmatizes the mentally ill and causes them to lose what frail hope they grasp on to in their lives.

I will say that it does certainly feel like your life has been taken over by some demonic force if you battle with mental illness. The blow of the diagnosis, the struggle of each day that goes by, the suffering, the loss of function, the loss of joy and stability and pride all work together to crush your spirit. It feels like you no longer may exert control over your life, but rather it is being sabotaged by some unseen agent and every time you try to remedy your dire situation you are sent reeling backwards, deeper into a pit that you could never hope to climb out of.

The light for those of us with mental illness is already sufficiently dim. Do not lower its level even more by suggesting that we are of demon seed or devil spawn. This is inaccurate, untrue, ignorant and simply cruel. Do not cast the blame for the disease on the one that is suffering. Do not make us search ourselves with any more anxiety and fear wondering if we perhaps have been not only cast of by the "normal" perimeters of the world and of those of heaven as well.

Keep your faith, if you have it and keep it even closer if you are mentally ill. Seek all the treatment you are able to. Supply yourself with enough courage to get through each day and do not be ashamed of your failures. Each victory, no matter how small, should be celebrated as a milestone. Even if one day you are well and the next day you are sick again, do not blame yourself. You are not evil. If you truly believe the human being was created in God's own image, then how can you be?

© Megan Snider